I recently lost my cousin who was like a sister to me. As more time passes, I feel like the happy version of me is drifting further away. At the beginning of this year, I promised myself I would move slowly. I did not want to chase goals like a machine. I wanted softness. I wanted presence. I wanted a gentle approach to life.
Then I lost her.
Suddenly everything felt confusing. On one side, life is short & we should do everything we dream of right now. On the other side, life is short & we should savor it & not rush at all. Somewhere in between those two thoughts, I lost my sparkle. I feel dull. Unmotivated. Just blah.
I want to feel like myself again, even if that version of me is different now. Part of my heart will forever be hers. The grief will always live with me. But I still want purpose. I still want joy. I still want to feel alive inside my own life.
Yesterday I listened to a Mel Robbins podcast about a 24 hour reset, a simple way to regain control when you feel overwhelmed or emotionally heavy. I tried it. It helped more than I expected. So I want to share it with you, along with a few other things I am doing to slowly bring my spark back.
The goal is to start small. No pressure. No extreme transformation. Whether you are grieving or simply in a season of low motivation, I hope this helps.
The 24 Hour Reset
1. Brain dump everything.
Write down every thought in your head. It does not need to make sense. Just get it out. When thoughts live only in your mind, they feel heavier than they are.
2. Cross out what you cannot control.
Anything you cannot change right now or that is not truly important in this moment, cross it out. You can return to it later. This step alone creates space.
3. Choose one important task.
Only one. Not five. Not ten. One task that feels meaningful. Focus only on that.
4. Move your body.
Go for a walk. You do not need a workout set or a perfect plan. Walk in whatever you are wearing. Fresh air resets your nervous system more than you realize.
5. Celebrate something at the end of the day.
Acknowledge what you accomplished. This trains your brain to feel rewarded instead of behind. The entire goal of the 24 hour reset is to feel capable again. To know you did something today that makes tomorrow 10% better.
The next morning, I took my brain dump & organized it into categories. Priority & not priority. Short term & long term. Seeing everything on paper helped me realize the chaos was not as big as it felt. The thoughts left my mind & landed somewhere safe.
That alone gave me relief.
5 Research Backed Ways to Regain Your Spark
Here are five evidence based practices that help when you feel unmotivated or emotionally flat.
1. Regulate your nervous system.
Grief & stress keep us in fight or flight. Slow breathing, gentle movement, sunlight, & limiting overstimulation help signal safety to your body. When your body feels safe, motivation returns more naturally.
One of the most common ways to regulate your nervous system is to step away from social media completely, not even opening the app. We often turn to it for inspiration, but at the same time it overstimulates your brain while your body remains still. That disconnect can quietly increase anxiety & mental fatigue. Delete the app for 48 hours & I promise your nervous system will thank you for it.
2. Use small wins to rebuild momentum.
Research shows that progress creates motivation, not the other way around. Tiny completed tasks build dopamine. Start embarrassingly small if needed. One of the smallest yet most impactful ways to reward yourself is by writing down your to do list, big or small, & then checking things off. That simple act of checking a box feels like a win. Your brain registers it as progress, which builds motivation to keep going.
3. Reconnect with meaning.
Studies in positive psychology show that purpose increases resilience. Ask yourself what still matters to you, even now. Grief can change your direction, but it does not remove your capacity for meaning.
4. Stay connected to people.
Isolation deepens emotional numbness. Even light social interaction improves mood regulation. You do not need deep conversations every day. Just connection.
5. Practice self compassion.
Research by Dr. Kristin Neff shows self compassion reduces anxiety & increases emotional strength. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you love. You are not behind. You are healing.
Grief changes you. It reshapes you quietly. I am learning that getting my spark back does not mean returning to who I was. It means allowing a new version of me to emerge. Softer. Slower. Maybe even deeper.
If you feel like you lost your sparkle, you are not broken. You are becoming. Start small. Choose one thing. Take one walk. Write one page. Celebrate one win.
Tomorrow does not need a complete transformation. It only needs to be 10% lighter than today.
And that is enough. 🤍
